you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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