I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
