I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
