the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
