just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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