So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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