so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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