I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
