Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
