Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
