If i come over, it means nothing
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
