you would pick up someone in the library
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
