Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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