Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
