I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
