i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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