I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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