based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
