just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
