VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
