And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
