I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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