At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
