Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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