If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
