flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
