I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
