the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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