guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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