i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
