): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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