her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
barbara walters just said penis...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
