she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
