I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
