I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
sarcasm needs its own font
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
