I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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