dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
