I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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