My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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