im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
