I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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