AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
