I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
