Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
