we have pet lesbian snakes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
