I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
