I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
