Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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