I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
