Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
