fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
